05/05/2004 | CMS | THE 2003 STELLA AWARDS It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella Awards. The Stellas are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in theUnited States. THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO: The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's Son. 5th place (Tied). 5th place (Tied). 4th place. 3rd place. 2nd place. 1st Place.
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05/05/2004 | CMS | A Jewish Couple
A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. However, the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives." A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island. Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to the yeshiva yet?" "No, Morris," she responds. Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says. Now Morris laughs out loud: "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month, he asks? " "Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther. Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, "But, Morris? ...What are you smiling and laughing about?" Morris answers confidently, "They'll find us."
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