| 10/18/2004 | CMS |
Subject: NUT HOUSE A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled "Down Nuts" and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled "Cheer Nuts" and they all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the doctor yelled "Boooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling. Thinking things were going very well, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked "What in the world happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled "PEANUTS"!!! Thought you'd like this. It's so stupid it's hilarious. |
| 10/18/2004 | CMS |
A blonde goes into a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns,but the blonde seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains she needed. The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches??", asked the salesman, "that sounds very small. What room are they for?" The blonde says, "Oh, they are not for any room - they are for my computer monitor." The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not need curtains." The blonde says, " Hellooooooooo - I've got Windows." |
| 10/18/2004 | CMS |
Subject: Why There Are Terrorists Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No television, No cheerleaders, No baseball, No football, No basketball, No hockey, No golf, No tailgate parties. No Home Depot. No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No lobster, No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No gumbo, No jambalaya. More than one wife. Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy in the tower. No chocolate chip cookies. No Christmas. No vacations. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times. Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition. Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better! I mean, really, IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE? |